Struggling to be Thin - Time to Rethink the Madness!

DIG DEEPER

First off, big thanks to everyone that supported my minor meltdown on facebook this past weekend with the Insanity ® . I so appreciate all the comments you posted. You guys totally ROCK and lets me know the street runs both ways...makes a HUGE impact just knowing there is support when I need it...Yes, us coaches are people, too. We'd like to believe we have it all figured out, but the truth of the matter is we are just ordinary people committed to living a healthier lifestyle. We don't always have all the answers - but we have a huge community of support.  We have our good days and bad days and those days in between.

I set a goal to get through the Insanity ® Pure Cardio without any added breaks. Anyone that has ever done this program and this specific workout knows they don't nickname it "PURE HELL" for no reason. The warm-up itself is like doing complete HIIT program. I sweat like CRAZY with just the warm-up session. But come to the workout part and Shaun T will tell you before you even start, "he is scared about what is fixing to happen". It is that intense.

Well I have myself super hyped on being at a particular "number" on the scales for the Team Beachbody Coach's Summit 2011. I know I should never obsess about the scales, but sometimes we do these crazy things to ourselves. I was all pumped Saturday and was cruising along with the Insanity ® Pure Cardio and just hit a wall about halfway through it. I had to stop and catch my breath and get back in there. Then had another break. I was so mad at myself that I didn't stop to take in that I had actually gotten further and better with the program than the last attempt. So instead of celebrating my improvement, I sulked over not hitting my goal. Sulk is putting it mildly. I broke into HUGE CROCODILE tears! I was so mad at myself. I grabbed a t-shirt and threw over my workout clothes and went outside and mowed both the front and back lawn with the iPod blasting!!!

January 2008

Then just kept beating myself up because I didn't see what I wanted to see in the mirror. It was only after I eventually cooled off and listened to the HUGE amount of support that I got that I realized..."what the heck is wrong with you???" OMG! I looked back at the 188 lbs I was when this journey first began. I'm 140 lbs right now. Wearing a size 8, not an 18. I just had in my head I was going to be a size 5 and 125 lbs by Summit...so much so that I forget the whole point isn't about being a particular size or body weight. It's about being HEALTHY!!! Why I started this whole process to begin with. I mean, who really cares if I am a size 5 anyway? Me???

My fitness has come leaps and bounds since those days three years ago. And I continue to IMPROVE!!! You know my thought process was just not rational at all in that moment of defeat. And this is coming from someone that once upon a time was treated for an eating disorder. So I dug out my old photo album this weekend and found those pictures of me when I weighed 83 lbs...I seriously remember starving myself just to be a size 00. And looking in the mirror thinking I need to take more weight off.  That's when I snapped to reality...OMG! So never want to be that girl again either. Had I not had the best friend in the whole world at that point in my life, I would have probably starved myself to death trying to be what society has deemed "perfect".

May 2011

So here it is...I AM PERFECT! The PERFECT ME that is! Just as each and everyone of YOU are the PERFECT YOU! We are not a number on a scale or a certain dress size. We are human beings that are composed of much more than a particular body makeup. It doesn't matter what mold we fit into - it just matters we are healthy and making healthy choices to obtain and maintain a lifestyle of good health and fitness.

So yes, I am going to continue to push myself to do better...because being my personal best depends on my pushing my limits to be all I can be. But I also need to take more time remember how far I've come, too. I have a lot to be proud of.  
This is a lifestyle and not a race. I don't need to compete with anyone. I just need to continue to be the BEST POSSIBLE ME and that my friends is a lot to be proud of!!